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Entre Emilie Nefnaf et Jérémy Ménez, c’est l’amour fou. Comme une douce histoire au pays des mille et une nuit. Un soap qatari qui ferait bander n’importe quel émir sous sa djellaba en soie. Le milieu offensif du Paris Saint-Germain a bel et bien trouvé la femme de sa vie et on lui conseille de jouer moins personnel avec sa dulcinée que sur le gazon vert. Comme un évènement n’arrive jamais par hasard, nous vous avons listé les phrases cultes prononcées par l’ex-candidate de Secret Story. Jérémy, rassure-toi, elle est faite pour toi.

« Elle se met sur ses grands cheveux »
Emilie aime réinventer les expressions françaises, à notre plus grand bonheur. L’erreur aurait pu faire bondir tous les amoureux de la langue de Molière mais Jérémy y verra une allusion capillaire charmante. Pour séduire sa compagne coiffeuse, l’ex-Sochalien avait opté pour la coupe raton-laveur blond. Certains apprécieront la tentative, d’autres préféreront baisser la couleur de leur écran. Quoi qu’il en soit, Emilie avait flairé la bonne thématique. Un premier pas vers la séduction.

« 3 semaines, c’est pas 15 jours ? »
Les mathématiques, c’est pas sa tasse de thé. Prononcer une phrase comme cela sur TF1 ne passe jamais inaperçu. Et même installé à Rome, Jérémy a certainement entendu la bourde de sa future compagne. Même défaut chez les deux tourtereaux. Ménez aime compter ses dribbles mais foire toujours le résultat en perdant la balle. Et puis sincèrement, qui n’a jamais rêvé d’une femme qui ne comprenait rien aux chiffres ? « Non chérie, je suis parti de la maison à 22h et rentré vers 4h du matin. Une petite sortie de 35 minutes, pas d’inquiétude bébé ». Un kiff.

« Cindy, elle casse nos délires, et moi qui suis plutôt une fille de joie »
Ne cherche pas à savoir qui est Cindy, elle est stockée dans la corbeille de mon cerveau. Une fille de joie, c’est certainement plus sympa qu’une fille joyeuse. Jérémy a free, il a tout compris. Se mettre directement en couple avec la prostipute assumée, c’est éviter des histoires à la Zahia. Prends en de la graine Francky. Quand on me dit désormais que les footballeurs ont le QI d’une moule, je m’insurge. J’ai l’argument imparable.

« T’es un p’tit con, mais t’es un beau goss bad boy, donc ça va ! »
Un véritable appel du pied. Cette phrase aurait pu être remplacée par « Je t’aime Jérémy, c’est toi que j’veux. Insulte-moi en survêt’ Lacoste ». Oui parce que le Parisien est un véritable bad boy. Ce qu’il ne faut pas dire à Emilie, c’est que sa période « fuck la police » se situait à l’époque dans la douce ville de Sochaux. Une sorte de racaille de la campagne, le genre de mec à cambrioler un champ de maïs quoi. Depuis, Jérémy s’est assagi, mais Emilie a déjà été séduite.

« 3 mois sans faire l’amour, c’est horrible »
Ok, le magazine « Entrevue » est le David Guetta de la presse. Une phrase remixée ? Certainement, mais l’idée est là. Jérémy qui passait près d’un kiosque à journaux n’a pas pu échapper à l’affiche grand format. « C’est qui cette chaudasse ? », s’est-il certainement dit. On se l’est tous murmuré, sauf que niveau compte bancaire et popularité, nous n’avons pas les mêmes moyens. Chienne de vie, tu dois bien en profiter mon cochon.

« Arrête toi tu parles avec la bouche mais moi j’vais parler avec les mains »
L’expression est maîtrisée, un peu plus poétique qu’un « j’vais te fumer bôtard ». La belle montre qu’elle sait parfois manier la langue française avec classe. Un brin de violence pour satisfaire Jérémy, le natif de la banlieue parisienne (encore des clichés, c’est pas possible !). Laisser sa copine se débrouiller seul en cas de bagarre peut éviter de se faire démonter devant elle en essayant de la soutenir. Autant s’éviter au maximum les petits bobos. Mais Emilie, tu es… parfaite.


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